Our God is an awesome God

Our God is an awesome God,

He reigns from Heaven above,

With wisdom, power and love,

Our God is an awesome God.

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I’m the man who can’t cry, so this choice is an illusion. I felt God telling me he’s saving that one up – I’d love to cry and the day I do will be something truly special, since it’s been so long now…

Tonight was my first time leading a Bible study since the bad one. In brief – it went incredibly. I think we all felt God’s presence and blessing. Just four of us, but it has taken until now to understand that numbers mean nothing.  Every individual is worth so much in the eyes of God. To be in fellowship with even one person is truly an honour. If it is good and genuine, chances are that others will be attracted to it anyway.

I was very apprehensive and anxious about it. I wanted to blog about it before I went, but no. Paul provides the command not to be anxious in anything, but place our anxieties at the feet of the Lord. To blog about it would be to dwell on my anxiety and affirm it. I approached this with much more humility than before. Humility to God has always been an aim in relation to leading the house group, but I took it far further this time.

I came away not amazed by what I can do with God behind me, but amazed by what God can do with him before me.

I think God worked many things through the previous bad study. The refining fire I must fearlessly embrace. What arrogance! To think that my faith affects the house group so directly and powerfully! That God’s hand was there in the bad one because he wanted to teach me? That through me learning to put God first even more than before. It’s not enough to put God first – he is worthy to be honoured before everything I do (more on that later).

Such arrogance… but ask and ye shall receive. And oh how I asked God to bless tonight. When we honour God, he honours us. God in and directing everything I do – what a marvellous day that would be. It’s that simple. Simplicity truly is the key to it… but how much intellectual thought and emotional strife must come before I allow myself to accept this. And it won’t stop because I’m not close to being there yet. Approach things the right way and he will pour out his blessings. Yes I think he honoured my honouring of him tonight in a way that impacted others too. And the bad study was a necessary part of that.

Looking into total depravity and the various stances on it – intellectual obscurity? No! It has helped show me the centrality of grace and how needing and dependent we are on the undeserved gift of grace.

The Backstreet boys in their wisdom sing:

How can it be you’re asking me to feel things you never show?

My friend, trust begets trust. As a leader I can’t expect any more from my house group than what I offer it. This means transferring the self-criticism from this blog to the house group. I tried that today. The parable of the sower:

The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful.

Two examples I offered. Firstly my veganism – I place God firmly before my love of food. Secondly – I listen to AC/DC who are associated with devil worship in some people’s minds. I find it instinctively and rationally trivial, but that’s the way of bad soil. It seeks to fit what I want around God instead of seeking God’s will or to honour Him. My veganism represents my good soil and my attitude to music represents my idolatrous bad soil. I found myself shaking after saying this. After all, the one who criticised me on this was present. Quite vulnerable feeling. But I think my approach contributed to a new level of openess never  seen in this house group. I just trusted God that he would not forsake my reliance on his blessing tonight.

Our God is an awesome God.

The vegan thing and the music thing… it’s all about how I approach everything. I honour the Sabbath now. Technically I’m under no obligation to, but it’s a gift of God. When I honour him, he honours me. And he deserves the honour. And I respect his wisdom that the Sabbath is good and I wish to honour him. No absolute obligation to the Sabbath, but by dedicating the trvial to the Lord, suddenly the seemingly trivial affects so much more. It reflects and encourages a real focus on God. And that can only be a great thing, even if it is hard. I trust that God will bless the little sacrifice I afford him and that he will work through it.

The challenge is to carry the lessons of the darkness when it’s light. It’s just as challenging in a different way.